Featured Artist on VOCAL INKorporated!

Tonight at 8pm (Eastern time) I will be featured and reading poetry on Vocality with Mikki!

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"Only unfulfilled love can be romantic..." - A Ramble

"Only unfulfilled love can be romantic..."

I came across this quote today from a movie entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona. The film is about best friends who go to Barcelona for vacation, and while there, one of the women (who is engaged) falls in love with another man.

When I first read this quote, I was confused. What exactly is "unfulfilled love"? And why isn't fulfilled love capable of being romantic. After reading up on other's interpretation of what it all means, a light bulb went on, and I figured it all out.

"Unfulfilled love" is the stage of falling in love. For most of us, the components that accompany this stage of a relationship are romantic dates, sweet notes or text messages, and maybe the occasional "just because" flowers. The love expressed during this time is considered "unfulfilled" because it's still new and growing. During this stage, we are working and wooing our beloved by saying all the right things, showing affection, and really putting our best selves forward to send a message to them on why we would be an ideal companion. We would do anything to make them smile, especially if there is competition for their love. But once the message is received and both parties agree to move forward with the relationship, then that is when love is fulfilled and they both live happily ever after, right? Well, according to the quote above, once love is fulfilled, the romance is no more, and I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like a very happy ending. I find this extremely disheartening.

At first glance, I didn't believe the quote to be true. Married couples and people who have been in love for years still do romantic things for each other, don't they? And isn't romance at least part of the reason why people stay in love? Then again, what is considered romantic? The hopeless romantic in me wanted to believe that romance does not end when it comes to love - fulfilled or not.

However, after thinking about it, I have to admit that it does make sense. Many relationships lose the romance after years, or even months of being in love. I've seen it. Was it real love? I don't know - it's not for me to judge. But what I do know is that a love without romance sounds dry and boring to me. Is that why we are so drawn to "unfulfilled love" - the excitement, the chase, the romantic gestures and the drama? Is that why so many of us love the feeling of falling in love, but are afraid to commit and stick around in the long run?

You ever notice how the best part of any movie or book is the part where we watch two people struggle with their "unfulfilled love"? We are entertained by the drama in a situation where two people who belong together are confronted with obstacles that keep them from falling in love. Are they going to get together? Grow apart? Is she going to choose the poor guy, or the rich one? Oh, the drama! We love the unknown. But then, eventually, they start to discover each other and then they fall in love. What happens next to the couple? Well, we don't know. Why? Because usually the book ends or the credits roll after the love is fulfilled, so we never get to see their happily ever after, do we? Why do you think that is? Is it because happy endings are boring and uninteresting? Maybe it's because after the unknown is known - after all the romance, excitement, drama is over all that is left is two simple people filled with love. We all know what to expect afterwards. They usually get married, buy a big house, and have a few kids. Simple, drama-free living. And we never really get a chance to see if their fulfilled love is full of romance.

Must love really be "unfulfilled" in order for us to bask in it's romantic nature? I hope not. Though my loving is soo far from being fulfilled, I look forward to the romance that follows. But I also want the romance to stick around once my love is fulfilled! If it isn't, then whats the point? What is love without romance? Or maybe love isn't all about romance, and that's the real test of your love for each other. Perhaps love is mostly a complicated mix of every day life and old emotions that put you there in the first place. Perhaps romance is at it's peak when love is unfulfilled, but does it really have to end there? I just refuse to believe that there is nothing romantic about fulfilled love.

I guess my question for all of you is, do you agree with this quote? And, what exactly does love look like WITHOUT romance?

Sorry this was so long...

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Someone I wish could forgive me...(Day 13)

Dear Self,

I wish you could forgive me. The past, the decisions you have made, the set-ups and down falls, the negative thoughts, intentional bodily harm, the heartache and torture - I wish you could forgive me for all of it. You are my responsibility. In the beginning of the year, I promised myself that I would take better care of you. I promised that I would love you and be kind to your body, emotions, dreams and spirit. I promised that you, my goddess, would be untouchable. There are days when I struggle to keep it together. And there are days when I think I have failed at keeping my promise. Please forgive me for those days. In the end, you are the only one for me. I am nothing without you.

With everlasting and unconditional love,
Me

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Person that I hate/caused me pain...(Day 12)

Dear Poverty,

I've known you since I was born. Before I even knew you existed, you were apart of my life - you were already apart of my history. When will you disappear? So many suffer because of you. So many people who lack basic everyday necessities (shelter, food, clean water, etc..) go without it. Do you understand how difficult life is without healthcare and a quality education? Some say poverty is a mindset, but I believe it's a reality that we must, first, take in and second, take action against. We must recognize you exist. I wish people would stop sugar-coating your effect on the living. They say we are where we are because of our poor decisions. Truth is we were born into you. We are oppressed by you. How can we come up when resources are constantly taken away? How can we come up when we are forced to attend the poorest schools? How can we escape from your strong grip when we are too weak from illness and hunger. You are unjust and hurtful. No one deserves to suffer in your name.

Tell your friends to spread the wealth around the world. Bring back basic human rights. I promise, your greed will be forgiven.

Sincerely,
Freedom Fighter

Let the Dollar Circulate by Billy Paul

You Don’t Get a Poem

I wrote this last night...

You Don’t Get a Poem

You don’t get a poem

You don’t get a word to cling to;

To wonder if these words I am saying are directed towards you

You don't get a poem because your skin reeks of

rotting cities of dreams and hollow stomachs

The poets here

have overgrown into giants

Forcing their heads through the surface of your skin

Spreading your love all over this town

They have grown too accustomed to

these sleepless nights

Your lovers have grown too accustomed to

the pale mumbles of your aching body

And I know I am supposed to have mercy on you

I am suppose to forgive and let go

Go with the flow of your river

After all, I was built to know the suffering

My arms were sculpted to cradle your pain to sleep

My heart is your keeper

But you are so quick to bend down for life

Under the mental arrest of your stupidity,

you are so blind that you can not recognize the glare

of sunlight in your eyes;

Those beautiful eyes that can light up this crazy

little town on a good day

And me?

I am battered

I am wasted

But I am ready to get free

I am ready to claim the breath you

so desperately attempt to steal from my lips

For once I would like to walk away with something

A crown

that I can raise to the sky as an offering

An ode to my goddess, to the life she deserves to live,

and men who deserve her kiss

Our love was never perfect,

but it was mine.

So no,

you don’t get a poem

Not this time

This one

is for me.

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Deceased person I wish I could talk to...(Day 11)

Felipe Ortiz

July 27, 1926 - June 2, 2006

Dear Welo,

This is actually my second letter to you. I left the first letter in your hands the day we said our final goodbye. Nothing has been the same since you passed that rainy Friday morning. Wela hasn't been the same. The family is still struggling to take care of her. She has Alzheimer's now (your suspicions were right), and she is battling breast cancer. This year has been a tough one for our family, but we are getting through it. Did you know it rained the whole week leading up to your burial? Just thought you should know. You are missed so much every day. Going to the house that you shared with Wela for over 40 years doesn't quite feel the same. Whenever I am there, I know in my heart something is missing. Your presence. Perhaps I got too accustomed to entering, walking over to your favorite chair and greeting you with a kiss and a "Bendición". I wish I could hear you sing that little song you used to sing when I was around. You remember, the song with my name? It's funny and unfortunate how the little things seem to only matter when they are greatly missed. I think I just expected you to always be there. Did I truly believe you would always be there when I came through that door? I think part of me did. But the other part knew you wouldn't, especially when I realized your health was fading. I was in denial. It took me a while to acknowledge the fact that you were sick because I couldn't stand the reality of losing you. There was so much I wanted to say to you. There was so much I wanted to ask you. There was so much I wanted to know about you and Wela and your life together in Puerto Rico; your life before the seven children. I wanted to hear in your own words where you met and the exact song that was playing when you first saw her. I wanted you to tell me about your time in Korea and how it changed your view on the world. A young Puerto Rican man who had never left the island, I am sure the war rocked your entire world. I still want to know, and the pain of possibly never knowing is paralyzing. I regret that we never really talked about your amazing life and it hurts so much that I will never get to really know the man who is my grandfather.

You had a wonderful life. You had great children, a beautiful wife who loved you so much. You were always surrounded by family and friends. You ate good. Drank good. I am at peace because I know we made your life great and worthwhile, and at the end, that's all that matters. I love you. I hope that you are resting peacefully, Welo.

Love always,
your granddaughter Vanessa


Ps: I was told that this was your favorite song because it was the song that was playing when you first met Wela. I listen to it whenever I am missing you.

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Someone I don’t talk to as much as I’d like to...(Day 10)

Dear S (aka Reesecup),

I don't think I've ever told you how amazing you are. Well, here is my chance to tell you. Since I was eleven, you have been a streak of positive light in my life. You have a love for life and adventure that I've never seen in anyone. Even after all that you've been through, you still manage to keep a smile, playful attitude, and generous heart. At times I wish I was more like you. I've always admired your strength and wisdom. You taught me the true meaning of friendship. Because of you, I've learned to love life a little more. I learned to appreciate the little things. Because of you, I've learned how to take in those special moments. I'll never forget the blizzard of '96, singing along to your mom's Green Day Dookie album, and the late night Snick adventures. Some of my happiest memories include you. There are times when I want to go back, but you've taught me how to cherish the memories and move forward.

The last conversation we had in May made me realize how much I really miss talking to you. It's crazy how we can just pick up like nothing and ignore the months in between. You already know I don't need to pick up the phone to let you know I am thinking about you. I think about you all the time. And I know you think about me. I know I will have you forever, and for that I am grateful. I can't wait until we hang out again.

Love always,
Vanessa (aka Caramel)

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Someone I wish I could meet...(Day 09)

Photo: ©2009-2010 *meppol

Dear Future Husband,

I know it seems kind of weird that I am writing this letter to you, but I want to take this opportunity to let you know a few things.

You may already know this before even meeting me, but I am not perfect. I worry...a lot. I am impatient at times. My past has caused me to keep my guard up. I've been hurt so there are times when I may need a little reassurance - just let me know you still love me. I am indecisive. When something is bothering me I tend to shutdown. I am sensitive. I am emotional. And I over think too much.

However, I will be your biggest fan. I believe in supporting one another's dreams and seeing that we hold each other accountable for our goals and aspirations. I am loving and considerate. I would do anything for the ones I love. I am a great listener. I am an admirer and lover of the simple and little things in life. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I am a dreamer, but I keep it real. I would love your family and friends no matter how crazy they are. I love people - I appreciate and respect different personalities types. I know how to compromise. I hate arguments and do my best to avoid them. I believe communication is the key to a lasting relationship with anyone. Most importantly, I would give you everything, but I expect everything from you. I give what I receive.

I wish I could meet you...soon (that's me being impatient), but I know time will bring you to me. I just ask that you do right by me. Don't do me wrong. Take care of me at my weakest. Be patient with me during the hard times. And love me always.

With love,
Future Wifey

¡Viva Frida!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have been a huge fan of Mexican painter Frida Kahlo since I first discovered her work in art class back in high school. Not only was she an extraordinary and intriguing artist and person, but her paintings are striking, raw, and very poetic. Most would categorize her work as surrealism, but to Frida her paintings were her reality - a reality of heartache and the chronic physical pain she had to endure due to a trolley accident that fractured her spine, and shattered her pelvis. She only painted what she knew, and that is what I love about her the most.

Today is her birthday. Frida would have celebrated 103 years of life if she did not pass away in 1954 at the age of 47. This post is dedicated to her life and work. Feliz Cumpleaños Frida! You live on forever!

"I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration."

Self-portrait 1926, Oil on canvas

Lo Que el Agua me Dio, 1938

Las Dos Fridas, 1939, Oil on canvas

"I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best."

Self-portrait 1940, Oil on canvas

Diego en Mi Mente, 1943, Oil on masonite

"There have been two great accidents in my life. One was the trolley, and the other was Diego. Diego was by far the worst."

Raices, 1943, Oil on sheet metal

La Colomna Rota, 1944

El Venadito, 1946, Oil on masonite

"Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?"

Self-portrait with portrait of Dr. Faril, 1951, Oil on canvas

For more on the wonderful Frida Kahlo visit her official artist website.

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Internet Friend...(Day 08)

Dear K,

I think you are a great writer. And I've always told you not to worry, if continue writing and NEVER stop, you will get to where you want to go with your writing. But you have to be patient, disciplined, and willing to work at it even in those moments where you feel discouraged. You already know I've been there and you have helped and supported me in those times when I needed inspiration and a push.

You are young, talented and smart. This journey of finding your voice in poetry isn't going to be easy. I think it will never get easy. But you already have the talent and drive to keep going. I always expect greatness from you, and I'm happy to have witness your growth in the past three years. You came a long way from the Writer's Cafe. You are a great friend.

Love,
NV

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Ex-boyfriend...(Day 07)

Dear D,

Like our relationship, this will be short. I just want to thank you for helping me realize everything I want in a relationship. We were a mistake. There's no denying that, but the lessons I learned from our time together is valuable to me in ways I can not even describe. Truly.

So I won't waste my time by remembering the times you loved me, and the many times you physically and emotionally hurt me. I won't reminisce on the good and bad times. All you need to know from me is...we possessed those moments, and then we let them go. Only the lessons are meant to stay. And that's the way it goes...the way it's suppose to be.

I'll see you around.

Love,
Vanessa

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Stranger...(Day 06)

Dear Young girl on the 57 bus tonight,

You are loved. You are already everything you need in this world. Has anyone ever told you that you are beautiful even without the make-up, the short shorts, and belly baring t-shirt? I wish I had the courage to reach out to you and ease your discomfort from the stares of the older man sitting across the aisle. But the breaking of my heart as I watched you reciprocate a desperate stare kept me in my place - I was just a stranger who should mind her own business.

It's not fair. You are just a girl. Where did we go wrong as women? When did we stop helping our young girls discover the real beauty that lies inside of them - the beauty in the place where no man can ever reach? I wish I could tell you that clothes do not make you a woman, nor do they make you sexy. Male attention does not justify womanhood or true sexiness. Womanhood is confidence, self-awareness, experience, and wisdom. True sexiness is unseen. It is unspoken. It's not what we see or hear. It's a feeling that comes from loving ourselves - the good and the bad. I pray that you learn this someday.

Love,
Lady in the purple blouse, 3rd row window seat

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Dreams...(Day 05)

Photo: © 2010 =oO-Rein-Oo

Dear Dreams,

There are days where I can feel you manifesting in the palm of my hand. And on those days, anything is possible. But there are also days where you seem miles away like a long distant lover. I want to bring you closer. I want to feel you bloom. I want you all to myself. It has nothing to do with money, fame, or glory. But it has everything to do with my own happiness, personal fulfillment, and peace of mind. You are so simple, yet every day I wonder if I will ever have the opportunity to see you come true. Still, I will never let you down. I will never give you up to the wind. You will always belong to me as long as I believe. Be patient with me, dreams. I am on my way.

Love,
The Dreamer

Run down 'til the sun goes down.

The sun is coming up.
I'm already up...for no reason.
Mom will call me to run errands with her in a few hours.
Scratch itchy leg. Damn. Another mosquito bite. I must have sweet blood.
Get a second call from Mom asking if I am ready. Almost.
Run errands.
Come home and gather clothes to wash.
Engage in a staring contest with a strange man at the laundromat.
Wish we could get a washer/dryer installed so I wouldn't have to deal with this.
The Northside will be beautiful, and I will try my hardest to bask in her glory.
Update my Facebook status.
Check my phone and email every hour just in case I get called for a job.
Good friends will remind me of our plans for Saturday night.
At some point remind myself that there are only two weeks left before the semester starts.
God will be on my mind.
Everything else under God will be on my mind.
Write a letter.
Watch a movie that is going to put me into an even darker mood.
Heat up the grill.
Stay home for the rest of the night with a bottle wishing that it was him instead.
Or meet up with my cousin at the club, dance with a random guy and wish that it was him instead.
Come home feeling "gooood".
Call him.

He will ask why I couldn't sleep even though he already knows the answer.

Talk until we doze off.

Wake up just in time to see the sun come up again.

Scratch my itchy arm. Another bite.

Remind myself it won't always be this way.

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Sibling...(Day 04)

Dear "Knarf",

You are the only person who can make me laugh one minute, and curse you out five minutes later. Throughout your 22 years on this earth, you have definitely mastered the art of knowing what buttons to push. Nevertheless, like I said, you make me laugh and you do have a sweet and childlike heart that I pray you always keep. Being the two youngest in the family, you and I always stood together. Wherever I went, you went. My friends were yours, and yours were mine. Of course that changed as we got older. And even though you tend to forget sometimes that you are the little brother and I am the big sister, I thank you for always looking out for me and mom. I'm forever grateful to have you as a brother. I love you, dork.

Love,

your big sis Vaness

30 Day Letter Challenge - Dear Parents...(Day 03)

Dear Mom,

There are no words to describe my love for you. You have supported me through everything, and if not for you, I wouldn't be able to do half of the things I have done. Every thing I do, every decision I make is meant to make you proud.

I often think back on my childhood and replay those moments where you sacrificed and worked hard to take care of all of us. The moments where you struggled to keep our family afloat. I recognize it mom, and I thank you. We didn't have the best things, and life wasn't exactly like the lives of those on those family TV shows we used to watch, but it was the best life that you could provide for us. I wouldn't trade a second of it.

Thank you for giving me your name. I try every day to wear it with pride because I know you gave it to me for a reason. One day, the whole world will know it, and we will shine together. I love you.

Love,

Your daughter Nilsa Vanessa

~---------------------~

Dear Dad,

Read this.

Love,

Vanessa