I don't make the healthiest choices all the time - mentally, emotionally, health-wise. Procrastination is my friend and I make many excuses for him, and for a lot of other things in my life. I'm at times lazy, doubtful. I question myself and my decisions more often than I should. I have a mental vault filled with all of the hurtful things people have ever said to me, and on a bad day, I convince myself to believe them. I'm impatient. I'm effortlessly, annoyingly dramatic sometimes. I'm anxious. I'm always late. I spend too much money. I give too many chances to the wrong people. I give too little chances to the right people. I hold annoyances and anger inside and then one day out of nowhere I explode, leaving some clueless and catching others off guard. I avoid confrontation and let people "win" just because I know it makes them feel good about themselves. I could be in love with you and you wouldn't even know. I allow my fears and my comfort zones to hold me back. I hold deep insecurities regarding my status in life. I worry that remaining "single and childless" makes me selfish. I compare my achievements to others. I worry how others view me. I beat myself up when I spend a whole day being unproductive, then go back to doing nothing the next day and feel worse. It's a vicious mental cycle. I have many faults. I understand we all do. But, with all my shit laid out on the table, and as much as I take ownership of every bit of this, still my faults aren't who I am. The "real me" is none of those things. And neither are you. I won't make an excuse for any of them. They are mine, I own all of them. Yet, every morning I awake and I choose to work on them, against them, through them, and despite them. Because I know what's behind all those thoughts and emotions is something I'm still trying to understand.
Who am I if I'm not all the titles, the good and the bad?
Who are you?