July 14, 2014

If you are still with me...

If you are still with me, I would like to say hello and I am sorry for being away for so long. I have been busy with school and working full-time as a preschool teacher. I have neglected this beautiful space, yet  I have missed it tremendously. Yes, life has kept me away. However, every now and then I do think about this blog and all my ramblings. Well, I think I may be back...

The truth is, up until recently, I have not written. Anything. And as a result, I have felt there was no purpose in blogging. I honestly tried, but everything I wrote seemed forced and disingenuous. I was uncomfortable with posting anything that did not feel real to me, as I take this space very seriously and I care greatly about the content I share on here. From my heart to this screen, my words are my weapon and my truest evidence of my mark in this word. So, what I write does matter.

As of late, however, I have been writing. In fact, I am currently working on a third collection of poetry. It is a small collection, but nonetheless, it is a collection and I am super excited about it! It has been over four years since I released my last collection, Northside Cries and Lullabies. And in those four years I have struggled creatively, going back and forth with my decisions to publish again or not. However, with a little encouragement from a friend, I decided it was time. This next collection, entitled Coming,  is way overdue!


Coming is a small, pocket poetry collection of short poems (or as I like to call them, "shorties".) The idea of writing a collection of short poems came from my love of short and simple poetry. I have always loved the idea of someone taking less than a minute out of their busy lives to appreciate a single piece of poetry. I do not believe poetry has to be long. So much can be said - so much can be felt in very few words. And to be frank, I have survived off of short poems in the duration of my four year hiatus. Writing short poems helped me stay creative without committing too much time. It was kinda like, you write a few lines, and then you carry on. 

And that is exactly what I have been doing - carrying on. And carrying all of my readers in my heart while I have been away. I do have lovely things planned for us in the next couple of months. 
Just wait on it, xoxo.

-nv

February 5, 2013

Questions.

My good friend Angel shared an inspiring article with me today. It talks about life and how we must find the value in our own lives and not the lives of others. The message is that every life on earth has a purpose, value, and a meaning. There is no general meaning to life because we are all very different. Our mission is to find the meaning of our own lives, and use it to move forward. It got me thinking a lot about the decisions we all make every day that bring us closer to the place we are suppose to be. Lately I've found myself questioning the moves I have made thus far in my twenty-something years of existence. I question almost every aspect of my life, especially career and love.


Why am I here? Where am I going next? Is there any fire left inside of me?

Whenever I ask myself these kinds of questions, immediately I hear my friend Jay's voice in my head reminding me how blessed I am. And I am blessed. I am also grateful. But who am I if I am not the poet who questions? Who am I if I can't look behind sometimes? After all, the past is the back bone of my work and the person who I am today.

I write this to let you know - yes, You, little eager soul whose hands are still too soft and clean to hold the meaning of your life - You have to create your own answer, purpose, and meaning. When we were given this life, our purpose was not written in the sky for all to see. We did not get a copy of God's individual plan for our lives. You have to find it in the words you use, and in the things you do.

Get out there....and search.

June 18, 2012

First Love.

My little sister and I were talking yesterday while we were visiting our dad on father's day. I always enjoy those moments where she and I can just talk about anything. Although she and I have completely different personalities (I am reserved and quiet; she is....not), she reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age. We had the same views and priorities (school, the future, friends, family). Well, one subject we touched base on was the subject of love. She is 15 years old and is currently in her first ever relationship. Somewhere in the conversation she confided in me that she was in love with this boy.

At first I thought, of course she would feel this way. He is, after all, her first real boyfriend. So I asked her..."How do you even know you're in love?". She told me there are many signs that tell her it is love. One is the feeling she gets in her stomach when she sees him or thinks about him. He is always on her mind. Another sign is the urge to go anywhere and do anything for him. She expressed to me that he will be joining the military after high school, and if they are still together, she will definitely follow him. And last, she said the sure sign that she is in love is in his kiss. She said that every kiss, even the short and sweet ones, are literally breathtaking.

As she told me this, my heart swelled with love for my little sister, her innocence, and this wonderful and exciting time of her young life. 

It reminded me so much of my first love. I was 11 years old. The boy I was in love with was a neighborhood kid who I went to school with. He was kind of a bad boy, but he was sweet, funny, and a talented singer. We were good friends and talked on the phone constantly. That was usually the times he serenaded me with a song. I will never forget the first song he ever sang to me (If I ever Fall in Love by Shai). The very first poems I wrote were about this boy, and at the time I felt my fire for him was very strong and intense. Which is why I related to my sister's situation so well. I suppose us Torres girls are more in tune with our inner feelings. When it's love, they tend to float quickly to the surface, and we just know.

Whatever it is my sister is feeling, I'm really happy that she is experiencing it. I asked her if she was afraid to fall out of love - afraid of the pain that would surely follow - and she said no. Her exact words as she shrugged her shoulders were, "YOLO."

Gotta lover her :)


June 13, 2012

How to Love.

God has given us many gifts. But the gift of loving, and receiving love is one of the greatest gifts of all. Everyone is born with a talent. Some of us are blessed with many. But the one thing God has blessed us all with is the ability to love. 

I am writing this in case someone out there has forgotten, I will remind you...

how to love...


1. Speak.
Speak kind, positive, and encouraging words. Words have the ability to heal, or cause sickness. They can inspire growth, or hesitation. Form your words carefully.

2. Touch.
Do not underestimate the power of a kiss or a hug. Love can be translated into many forms of physical gestures. When words fail, action saves the day...and a life.

3. Relate.
Show compassion and grace. Understand the long and hard journey of those before you. Everyone has a different story, but our paths are few and familiar.

4. Receive.
Open up and accept love when it is given. Love has the incredible ability to build you up and make you strong, even when you feel vulnerable and weak.

5. Forgive.
Let go of all debts and bitterness. Loving is choosing to accept an imperfect person in a world that strives for perfection. Love can not be without forgiveness. Seeds of resentment will stall love in turn stalling your peace of mind and heart.

June 6, 2012

In my words: One year later... Teaching.

Today marks the one year anniversary of my teaching career.

Yes, I survived my first year. Do I have any more years left in me? Definitely.

It is common knowledge that teaching is one of the most demanding jobs around. On a daily basis, I find myself wearing not only a teacher hat, but also a mother, nurse, social worker, janitor, and referee hat. Although, carrying all of these titles daily seem a bit overwhelming, I find myself enjoying the hustle and bustle of teaching pre-k at a non-profit agency that has served families for many years. Even when I'm overwhelmed, at the end of the day, I really do feel a sense of fulfillment. I would describe the feeling as running a marathon for eight hours straight. Once you hit that finish line, you're exhausted, probably a little cranky, but you're also overcome by this feeling of accomplishment. However, there are those days where you don't feel so great and accomplished. Somedays it truly feels like I ran an eight hour long marathon. I feel rundown, unappreciated, overworked, and just plain ol' tired.

Just recently, I've been having a hard time finding that enjoyment I once had in teaching. Some transitions were made that shook up my world, and to be honest, I am having a hard time coping. These circumstances are making it difficult for me to teach and manage my classroom in a way that allows me to actually enjoy my job as a teacher. However, I know this is something that I have to get through. I have to man up, accept these changes and keep telling myself, "This too shall pass." Like everything else in life, teaching has it's pros, cons, ups, and downs.

One thing is certain... I know this is the field of work I belong in. Putting my current feelings aside, I feel a great sense of duty and pride in teaching children, opening up the world to them, and teaching them the foundations that will help them become descent, educated, independent, conscious members of their communities. I am hopeful because of them. Always.

June 5, 2012

My favorite things about summer...

1. 

Block parties.

2. 

Poolside view while the sun browns my skin.
Which means, hello freckles...goodbye pale legs.

3. 

Outdoor movie screening at Penn's Landing (Definitely doing it this year!)


4.  

Rain after many days of scorching heat.


5. 

Sporadic BBQs = A great excuse to eat, drink, and play
dominos/board games/bingo with family and friends.


6. 

Two words - Jersey Shore (and no, not the show).


7. 

Cherry water ice and the red stain it leaves on my lips and tongue.


8. 

My birthday (August 12th).

9. 

Easy, casual summer dresses.




10. 

Melting ice cubes against my skin for relief on really hot days.



These are a few of my favorite summer things. 
What are yours?

June 4, 2012

Set my night on fire...

Words can't explain how relevant this song is to my life right now. I discovered this gem months ago and I haven't stopped listening since. His voice, the words - everything is just...