July 22, 2010

"Only unfulfilled love can be romantic..." - A Ramble



"Only unfulfilled love can be romantic..."

I came across this quote today from a movie entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona. The film is about best friends who go to Barcelona for vacation, and while there, one of the women (who is engaged) falls in love with another man.

When I first read this quote, I was confused. What exactly is "unfulfilled love"? And why isn't fulfilled love capable of being romantic. After reading up on other's interpretation of what it all means, a light bulb went on, and I figured it all out.

"Unfulfilled love" is the stage of falling in love. For most of us, the components that accompany this stage of a relationship are romantic dates, sweet notes or text messages, and maybe the occasional "just because" flowers. The love expressed during this time is considered "unfulfilled" because it's still new and growing. During this stage, we are working and wooing our beloved by saying all the right things, showing affection, and really putting our best selves forward to send a message to them on why we would be an ideal companion. We would do anything to make them smile, especially if there is competition for their love. But once the message is received and both parties agree to move forward with the relationship, then that is when love is fulfilled and they both live happily ever after, right? Well, according to the quote above, once love is fulfilled, the romance is no more, and I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like a very happy ending. I find this extremely disheartening.

At first glance, I didn't believe the quote to be true. Married couples and people who have been in love for years still do romantic things for each other, don't they? And isn't romance at least part of the reason why people stay in love? Then again, what is considered romantic? The hopeless romantic in me wanted to believe that romance does not end when it comes to love - fulfilled or not.

However, after thinking about it, I have to admit that it does make sense. Many relationships lose the romance after years, or even months of being in love. I've seen it. Was it real love? I don't know - it's not for me to judge. But what I do know is that a love without romance sounds dry and boring to me. Is that why we are so drawn to "unfulfilled love" - the excitement, the chase, the romantic gestures and the drama? Is that why so many of us love the feeling of falling in love, but are afraid to commit and stick around in the long run?

You ever notice how the best part of any movie or book is the part where we watch two people struggle with their "unfulfilled love"? We are entertained by the drama in a situation where two people who belong together are confronted with obstacles that keep them from falling in love. Are they going to get together? Grow apart? Is she going to choose the poor guy, or the rich one? Oh, the drama! We love the unknown. But then, eventually, they start to discover each other and then they fall in love. What happens next to the couple? Well, we don't know. Why? Because usually the book ends or the credits roll after the love is fulfilled, so we never get to see their happily ever after, do we? Why do you think that is? Is it because happy endings are boring and uninteresting? Maybe it's because after the unknown is known - after all the romance, excitement, drama is over all that is left is two simple people filled with love. We all know what to expect afterwards. They usually get married, buy a big house, and have a few kids. Simple, drama-free living. And we never really get a chance to see if their fulfilled love is full of romance.

Must love really be "unfulfilled" in order for us to bask in it's romantic nature? I hope not. Though my loving is soo far from being fulfilled, I look forward to the romance that follows. But I also want the romance to stick around once my love is fulfilled! If it isn't, then whats the point? What is love without romance? Or maybe love isn't all about romance, and that's the real test of your love for each other. Perhaps love is mostly a complicated mix of every day life and old emotions that put you there in the first place. Perhaps romance is at it's peak when love is unfulfilled, but does it really have to end there? I just refuse to believe that there is nothing romantic about fulfilled love.

I guess my question for all of you is, do you agree with this quote? And, what exactly does love look like WITHOUT romance?

Sorry this was so long...

12 comments:

Alexis Hallum said...

Great post and I agree with you...I refuse to believe that there is nothing romantic about fulfilled love, too;).
I have been married for almost 5 years and yes, at the beginning we were both on our best behavior. It was all fireworks, flowers and new.
New is replaced with an even better feeling over time...broken in and comfortable. Fulfilled love is real, deep love. It means loving someone through sickness and taking care of eachother through anything, having a bestfriend who will always be there and who knows you inside - out.
The Romance is still there, you just have to work on it because nothing good can be too easy, it takes time and hard work.

Christian said...

There's a big part of me that refuses to believe the quote. I want to believe that the end result of unfulfilled love would only be fulfilled with as much romance or perhaps even more romance than the beginning. What many people fear is the romance in that love becoming stale. I guess it is still there but either partner does not want to work to establish it any further. A love without romance to me would be a love that is justified on prior acts of romance but fails to be the same since those acts are not done anymore.

Miss Ash said...

I think that romance here means the fantasizing (not in a perverted way), the what-if questioning, and the bittersweet recollection of the memory. Unfulfilled love or those affairs which end up tragically can make you feel these things. A sort of nostalgia.

Anonymous said...

Unfulfilled love is any love that never matures, goes full circle, that does not end in happily ever after. Unrequited love is romantic becasue it is tragic. Romeo and Juliet is a romantic story becasue they both died rather than live without each other.

When love is unfulfilled, it simply means that love never dies or fades with time becasue of some reason that the lovers cannot truly be together.

Anonymous said...

Is the excitement of not knowing where it will lead to like a book that you have not read but want to what happens when you read it?




Anonymous said...

Yes I agree I fell in love and married my love but he could never make me happy yet I fell in love again many many years later and he made me happy as long as he was unattainable

psychatrist said...

Deteoration of charm is accompanied by the strengthening the bonds of trust and love. The infatuated one's flow with the spicy unfulfiled ones, the genuine ones know the real love is to understand, have faith and prolong.

Anonymous said...

Unfulfilled love isn't the act of falling in love or the early stages of a relation. This quote is referring to lovers who can never be together. But I think love is always romantic when you are still learning from someone. That's why it's so important to have a sense of independence and separate interests-romance is about always bringing something new to the table. In away that kind of love is always growing and never static or "fulfilled." that takes work 10 years down the line but it's doable :)

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jen wh said...

I agree with you.i have been married 20 years and counting and I always asked a question why I'm always dream a man, that we just a have a mutual inclination that we like each other and he does the same thing too that he dream about me. We are both married and yet we are yearning each other still. I don't get it. Help me to understand because I don't want to missed up my marriage and also his. The only communication we have is when his daughter died, he called me out of the blue. I never speak to my husband about it. I just want this unfulfilled love so called go away...any advice

jen wh said...

I agree with you.i have been married 20 years and counting and I always asked a question why I'm always dream a man, that we just a have a mutual inclination that we like each other and he does the same thing too that he dream about me. We are both married and yet we are yearning each other still. I don't get it. Help me to understand because I don't want to missed up my marriage and also his. The only communication we have is when his daughter died, he called me out of the blue. I never speak to my husband about it. I just want this unfulfilled love so called go away...any advice

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